Toyland, Take 2

So an astute reader of this blog posed the question: What about all that junk that is marketed to kids? How can parents deal with that?

Some suggestions:

1. TURN OFF THE TV. Okay, that may be a little extreme. I grew up watching unlimited TV and it didn't stunt my brain, stifle my imagination, or turn me into a zombie. So here's a more moderate suggestion: WATCH TV WITH YOUR KIDS! Gifts aside, you should do this anyway so you'll know what they're watching and be able to discuss it.

2. Talk about the stuff you see: print ads, commercials, other children playing with toys. When your child expresses toylust, help him or her figure out what is attractive about that particular item. This will help your child think harder about their wishlist. Ask questions like, "Is that a sharing toy or an alone toy?" or, "Is that like any other toys you know?" or, "What other ways could you play with that toy?" Model critical thinking: "Do you think that toy is really as good/fast/fun as the commercial makes it look?" Your questions can be leading but should not be judgmental.

3a. Make the object lesson concrete. One of the best ways to teach children about the limits of junk toys is to have them spend their own money. Ten or fifteen dollars is enough to buy a great toy or a piece of junk. Help your child plan ahead -- make a list of ideas. Once you're at the store, ask questions like the ones above to help your child narrow the choices to one or two items. It is okay if they finally opt for the junky toy. It is their money, and it will be their consequence. When the toy breaks or is quickly discarded, say to your child, "Next time, should I remind you not to spend your money on toys that might break (or whatever the downfall was)?" This should be done in the tone of a good friend, not a condescending grown-up.

3b. Have your child pay for his or her own impulse buys. Give a small allowance -- for example, one dollar per year of age, starting at age 3 or 4 depending on your kid's development. When your child begs for a cookie at the grocery store or a trinket at the toy store, insist that s/he pay for it. Some kids are born savers, and this instinct will extinguish the gimmies. Other kids enjoy the thrill of the hunt and the rush of a purchase. Having a limited budget will teach spenders how to prioritize. Explain the advantages of resisting impulse buys. "If we buy this pack of cards here, it will be $3. But if we wait until the next time we are at the dollar store, you will still have $2 left." Older preschoolers are perfectly poised to begin learning about budgets. They have a natural desire to manipulate numbers and are beginning to exercise impulse control.

4. When your child makes a wishlist, help him or her make it reasonable. Survey the toys you already have to figure out what s/he enjoys most, what is missing, and what doesn't get much use. Give your kindergarten or older child a budget: "Choose the three (or so) things that you want the most." This forces kids to prioritize.

5. Don't go overboard. Every parent I know has stories about how their child only paid attention to one toy out of ten or how the things they begged for weren't satisfying at all. Keep it simple. Three modest toys is a bounty: something special, something useful, something surprising. Kids become overwhelmed by too many presents and are usually happiest with the non-present elements of most celebrations: good food, great company, fun games, special memories.

6. Figure out what your child really wants from that junk toy: to feel powerful? To feel fancy? To have company? Find a better way to scratch that itch.

For everyday cases of the gimmes, one basic concept: Ask your child: is this something you need, or something you want? Explain that it's important to think for a while -- several days, a week or two, maybe longer -- about things we merely want. Often, we'll outgrow the desire before the deadlines's up.

-- H.V.